The more violence I am exposed to, the more sickened I become. I believe I hit the apex of desensitization a long while ago, and I’m beginning to go downhill. I can’t exactly blame technology becuase I know that the violence is fake; I’m even sickened by the alien giblets in Half-life.


I don’t know if I can stomach real violence. There’s only one way to find out.

Two updates in one early morning. What are the chances?

 

Alright.

 

That’s the necklace I made and occasionally wear. I had string, and Sheena supplied me with the empty, fun-sized box of lemonade-coated wild cherry Nerds. I made it on the spot. Sheena can tell you all about it.

I guess it’s that time again. Time to update the xanga.

 

I’ll go over the events of the day prior to this:

 

I woke up around 0930 to the sound of A Tribe Called Quest. I layed in bed for a while, just listening to my alarm clock/CD player. I heard voices downstairs, so I got up out of bed around 0945. I went downstairs, grabbed a tiny slice of cheesecake for breakfast and socialized with  my uncles. Other way around, actually. Socialized with my uncles, then grabbed a slice of frozen cheesecake for breakfast.

 

I played Halo co-op with my brother; I played for a good portion of the day, off-and-on. Since it was the weekend before his birthday, he got a birthday dinner. Outback Steakhouse it was. Decisions and an order were made. I went to pick up the food. I called Sheena from the parking lot. I found out that Luis was going to go over to her house for some reason or another. I got my food and drove home.

 

I got lost on the way home. Rather, I took a few wrong turns. My inevitable return home was merely delayed. The smell of food made me noxious. I looked at new homes and houses under construction. I got home, the food was laid out, and we ate. I went back to playing Halo with my brother. After quite a bit of tedium, I came here, to the computer, and checked AIM. I looked at Luis’ away message. “I guess I’m going clubbing or dancing, so hit me up if you want to go.” Something to that effect, anyhow; Memory is subjective. I called him. “We’re not going until 2100 or so.” Alright, I had time to shower and all that good hygenic stuff.

 

I was ready. Things got underway; I got to the party. I was feeling pretty good on the drive over. I got out of my car, paid admittance and met up with Luis and co. I felt self-concious. I felt left out. I felt jealous. I felt envious. Somebody else felt like going to another party.

 

We got to another party. This party was cheaper and smaller. A dollar cheaper, and about fifty people smaller. I knew a few people; I recognized a few more. Rumors of police activity in the area gave reason for my group to get back to the other party.

 

Back we were. I was beginning to feel more relaxed about the situation, more comforatable with the people I was with. I moved to the music a bit more than before, but I still felt self-concious, still felt left out, still felt jealous, still felt envious.

 

Actual police activity caused the the breakdown of this party. A helicopter flew by. Some people left at that point while others stayed out of blatant disregard for law enforcement. My group went back and forth and stayed indecisive for about ten minutes. We decided to stay, after all. After another ten minutes, we decided to leave.

 

As we were leaving, a few shots were fired. “They’re just poppers.”
“Yeah, that’s why people are running.”

 

I calmly walked to my car. I opened it up, got in and went through the whole startup procedure. Other people were in a hurry to get the hell out of Dodge. Squad cars were pulling in.

 

I was on my way out. I planned on calling Luis at 0015. He beat me to it. I’m glad everything turned out for the better.

 

So, here I am now. The night was pretty good, on the whole; nothing gained, nothing lost. I’m still self-concious, I’m still left out, I’m still jealous, I’m still envious.

Alrighty. I’m looking forward to the Erykah Badu concert. I’ve got the greenlight to go; I hope Sheena and/or Donald and/or whoever else would want to go can.

I’ve been feeling good over the past few days. I think I’m finally able to talk to girls without flipping out and doing something stupid. I’ve been more social in general, actually. Feelin’ good feels good. It’s good to be good. Goodness, this is good goodness.

Alright, I’ve brought that image back up.

 

That’s a whole lot of crazy. I hope you can live with it. If not, well… it was nice knowing you.

Perhaps it is folly to have my thoughts splayed out in the public eye like this, especially when I’m thinking about people I know, but it’s what I do.

 

Maybe some thoughts need to stay private.

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